Overtime, I have heard couples claim that their best friends are their spouses. I have also heard others who strongly advise against having your spouse as your best friend. And so I ask:
Is your best friend your spouse? Is it advisable to have another person as a best friend besides your spouse? What are those qualities that should mark your spouse as your best friend irrespective of your individual differences? On the other hand, what are the reasons why you think a spouse shouldn’t double as a best friend?
Being a lover is a sacred thing. It’s above and beyond friendship – even a best friend. It means that you care about someone so much that you want to share things with them that you can’t share with anyone else. You share intimate moments with them and trust that they will hold you safe and protect your intimate details. In return, they do this for you. And together you share a relationship that transcends simple friendship. And the new category of your relationship can only be defined as pure love. You don’t share this kind of relationship with anyone else – not even your best friend. And you don’t want to anyway. It would violate the relationship you and your lover have.
I’m married to my best friend of 20 years. We actually bonded over our mutual love of muscle cars and sports. Sure, he’s much more than my “friend,” but the fact that we share a deep friendship underneath it all has been one of the most positive aspects of our relationship.
While general relationship advice may work for some issues, I firmly believe this is a matter of individualism, and saying that a couple who happen to be best friends lack depth, demonstrates a lack of understanding of how relationships work on a realistic and fundamental level.
IBRAHIM GEIDAM: I’m of the opinion that your spouse can’t go for a best friend. In life as we grow our best friend changes at every stage of our life. I can bet you that your best friend has changed over time; we all had a different best friend in elementary school and in high school. And maybe you had a different best friend in the university and right now. Even though you may still think fondly of all the best friends you had, over time you went through spells of losing touch with them. But your spouse is someone that you should never lose touch with. If you have, you’re not treating them like a spouse. Spouses are always trying to get to know each other more and more. They do new things together and explore life together through sickness and health and until death do you part.
A marriage is a passionate, intimate and sexual relationship while a relationship with your best friend is platonic and shouldn’t be sexual (if it is, you need to tell your spouse about it). If your spouse is only your best friend, then you’re not treating them like a spouse. Spouses are supposed to share a more intimate connection with each other. If you’re treating your spouse like a best friend, then you’re negating this key part of your relationship.
Nothing better than having your best friend as a spouse. I did not. I let physical attraction and finances rule my decision. During the hard days, your spouse looks and hotness will mean nothing. Liking a person is first and foremost. Inevitably, the romantic phase fades and you are left with a man who feels cheated because the sex went downhill and a woman who wishes her husband didn’t base his love on how recently he got some. Ladies, don’t let looks consume you. It will mean nothing 10 years down the road. You want a very good friend as your spouse.
Anchored by Okoye Chizzy