Jokes of the Day

JOKES!!!

Akpos gets home at midnight and knocks at the door.

Wife: Go back to where you are coming from!

Akpos: Open the door or I will throw myself into the swimming pool!

Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care?

**So Akpos stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 minutes, takes a big of stones and throws it into the swimming pool !!!!..Scheweew..!!!!

**Wife hears, opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. Akpos quickly sneaks into the house and locks the door.

Wife: Open the door or I will shout!!

Akpos: Shout till all the neighbors wake up, and then you will tell them where you are coming from by this time of the night with only a pant and bra!

AKPORS THE FIRST CLASS HOLDER

Akpos bursts into the house, “Daddy! My CGPA is 4.78!”

The father is amazed and says “This calls for a party.”

The father takes Akpos on a ride around town to shopping malls and eateries.

He spends all he has including his Month salary.

The father thought to himself, “At least I celebrated my son’s success even if I’m eventually broke.” When they got home, Akpos shows his result to his Father.

His father looking stunned, angrily snares at his son, “WHAT IS THIS? I thought you said you had a First Class? But what I’m seeing on your result is a Third Class!”

Akpos, smiling sheepishly, suddenly shouts, “APRIL FOOL DAD!!!”

Akpos is currently on admission at the Emergency Unit of the General Hospital.

The Boyfriends Association of Nigeria to Girlfriends With regards to the meeting held today, the Boyfriend Association of Nigeria decided to go on a two months strike starting from 1st December, 2014. This strike is not to cause any riot or any form of breakup with our beloved girlfriends.

We plan to use this strike period as a time for appraisal and re-dedication in our supposed relationships. During this period, all forms of communication (formal or otherwise) are allowed but all forms of FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE will be put to rest. We assure our girlfriends that in this supposed strike period, our commitment will be 100% and won’t be questioned. Also, this period will not, WE REPEAT, will not pose a threat to the relationship.

Full boyfriend responsibility will resume on the 1st of February, 2015 to enable both parties plan for the upcoming valentine (14th February, 2015). We thank our girlfriends for their anticipated “Good Behavior” during this period.

Signed; Publicity secretary BAN.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOLD HER I LOVE YOU

A group of men gathered at a church conference on how to live in a loving relationship with their wives. The men were asked, “How many of you love your wives?” All the men raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your wife you love her?” Some men answered today, some yesterday, majority didn’t remember. The men were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective wives: I love you, sweetheart…

Then the men were told to exchange their phones so one can read the other wife’s reply to the love message.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Have you impregnated someone again?

2. That was then, not now.

3. You wan borrow money abi?

4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you this time.

5. Meaning?

6. Is that a new song?

7. Am I dreaming?

8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today!

9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.

10. Abeg na who be this?

 

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