Laugh Out Loud With These Jokes

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Who killed Abel?

I went to the police station to certify my document. On arrival, I met one of the policemen reading the bible, specifically Genesis, I was so impressed so I ask him, “officer, who killed Abel, Adam’s son”? He raised his head, looked at my face with dismay and said, “I don’t know, ask sgt Asare, he is in charge of murder cases”.

 

Touch and Follow

I fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but didn’t have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a native doctor popularly called “Baba”. All he demanded from me was one month internet data subscription money which I paid and he gave me a ring called “Touch and Follow”.

He said all I needed to do was touch her with this ring and she would follow me. I was excited because that was pretty easy.

The next day, when she was passing, I created a scene just to draw her attention and touch her like it was a mistake. After touching her, I was expecting her to follow me, but she did not, instead she moved on and was pressing her phone.

I was disappointed and went home. On getting home, I checked my phone and saw nine notifications showing Amanda Paul is now following me on twitter, Instagram, badoo, sent me a friend request on face book, and WhatsApp.

I called baba immediately to complain and he replied me, “my son, we have upgraded, everything is now digital, bye bye to rural village, welcome to the global world. That was why I did not ask for a cock, the brain of a mosquito, a vulture’s eye and groundnut oil but one month internet data to keep me online”.

 

Educated Sons

First son: PhD

Second son: MBA

Third son: Degree in Economics

Fourth son: Thief

Neighbour: Why can’t you throw the 4th son out of your house?

Father: He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.

 

Decent Prostitute.

Akpos stopped at a bar after work to have a drink. He started talking to a girl even though he is married. He eventually agreed to go to her place. When he got to there, he found out that she is a prostitute and that she wanted 5,000 naira.

“Forget it”, Akpos said, “you never told me you were a prostitute. But I do have 500 naira with me, will you take that”?

“You won’t get any decent prostitute for that amount”, she replied and threw him out.

Later that night, Akpos and his wife went out for dinner. While they were eating, the same prostitute who happen to be eating there too recognized Akpos.

She came up to him and said, “See, I told you. Look at the kind of trash you picked up for 500 naira”.

 

IGBO MAN

An Igbo man was terribly sick and was about to die, his family gather around him and was weeping as he was about to say his final words, then he said, “where is Emeka and Chimela”? They both replied in tears “papa we are here”. He then asked “what about Amara and Nneka”? The wife busted in tears and said “they are all here but you can’t see them”. The man asked, “if all of you are here then who is in the shop?”

 

Letter to a Doctor

Dear Doctor

I am 23 years old and have not had my period. My little sister Eferurobo is 17 years old and has had her period since she was 13. I am ashamed to talk about it to my friends because I don’t know if I have a problem of developing slowly, or does it take longer when you are a boy?

Yours faithfully

Akpos.

 

Intensive Care Unit

It happened in a hospital at warri. In an intensive care unit (ICU) patients died in the same bed every Sunday at 3pm. Doctors thought it was something supernatural. So, a team of experts was formed to investigate the cause.

The following Sunday, few minutes before 3pm, all doctors and nurses stood around that particular bed waiting to see what it was. Suddenly Akpos (part time cleaner) entered the ICU, unplugged the life support system of that bed and then plugged his blackberry charger.

 

No Fuel

Uche: Mummy, can I go to Chidera’s house?

Mummy: No

Uche: Why?

Mummy: No Fuel

Uche: Ahn ahn! I am using my legs.

Mummy: If you get missing, is it not a car we are going to use to find you?

 

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