I have come across many ladies who always say that they wish to marry a man whose mother is already dead because they cannot bear the stress often times caused by mother in laws. If you are one of such ladies, then it is high time you start thinking of how to build a strong and lasting relationship with your in-laws.
You can do it, it is no rocket science. In this article, I am going to give you some tips on how to handle difficult in-laws.
As a young man or lady, it is important to think about all the joys, trials and tribulations that come along with marriage before tying the knot. When you get married, you did not just marry your husband or wife but you are getting married to their entire family.
If we were to do an estimate, one in every five wives despise their in-law (Mother-in-law). However, your relationship with your in-laws should be something you might never fail to ponder until after the wedding which might very well leave you looking for signs that your in-laws are toxic.
A relationship with your in-laws should be something you cherish and want to build on no matter how tricky and difficult they are. Try your best to be close to one or two persons in the family. It is important to note that there is a big difference between being toxic and just having different views and opinions. So, here are some tips that will help you handle difficult in-laws if you have one;
Don’t try to be too polite: If you are too polite with your in-laws there may not be room for you to create necessary boundaries. When boundaries are not created, your in-law can begin to talk, treat and push you around anyhow they like, when this happen, you won’t be able to express yourself anytime you are hurt or feel the need to talk about something itching you. Remember you need to be always nice in trying to get your point across.
Avoid stooping to her level: No matter how harsh your mother in-law or in-laws are, avoid fighting fire with fire. Anytime your in-laws bring on a fight, try as much as possible to avoid fighting back, never try to be rude or call them names, interact using mindfulness and in taking higher the roads without compromising how you will allow yourself to be treated.
Don’t take criticisms personally: Take criticism serious but never take it personal. Anytime your in-laws criticized you about doing something wrong try as much as possible to see if there is an element of truth in their criticism, if there is, then you should take corrections and if not then you let it roll right off you.
Have a way of dealing with your anger: Never allow your anger to consume you or else you will destroy yourself and your marriage. So, anytime your in-laws make you angry find a way of dealing with it. You can deal with your anger by taking a walk, watching a movie, listening to music or even visiting a friend. It is important to always turn to a trusted friend to get some things off your chest. Always find a way of dealing with your anger on a daily basis.
Limit your In-laws involvement in your life: You don’t need your in-law’s approval to live your life the way you want it. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to get thumbs up from your in-laws. So, if your in-laws always get involve in every decision you make, you have the right to set the limit of their involvement in your life. Let them understand that you and your family have a right to a peaceful existence and you can make your decisions without them taking part in it. No body have the right to make your life or the life of your family miserable; and only you can make sure of that.
Gossip: It may be true that your in-laws gossip about you when you are not around either to friends, other family members, neighbours etc. if that is true, approach them and let them know that you are aware of the things they always say behind your back. Ask them if you have offended them to deserve such disrespect. Tell them that next time they have issue with you they should approach you directly instead of blanketing the whole world with gossip.
They intentionally make you feel bad: If your in-laws don’t like you, they will definitely do things to get on your nerves to intentionally make you feel bad. Even though this situation can be difficult and tough to deal with, you can walk your way through it by explaining to your in-laws that their actions and words hurts your feelings. If they refuse to change, then the best thing to do is to limit your interaction with them.
Try following these tips and in no time your difficult in-laws might become your best friends.
Thank me later.
By Mercy Kukah