The stigma on people who are of marriageable age and are not married can be very frustrating and annoying to the extent that one will be pushed to marry without being psychologically and emotionally ready. Attaining a marriage age and having a partner doesn’t mean that you are ready to get married and make that life changing commitment. Even though marriage is an important part of everybody’s life, It doesn’t mean one should rush into it without been fully prepared and know what his or her true emotions. This is one of the reasons for the high rate of divorce we are now experiencing.
Below are some tell-tale signs which show that a person is not ready for marriage.
You are getting married because all your friends are getting married. If you think that just because all your friends are getting married, having kids or getting engaged and you also need to get married then you are really on a wrong journey. Marriage isn’t a competition, it is a life time commitment and there are a lot of challenges that comes with it. Unless you are fully sure that you want to accept the challenges then do not get married. A lot of parents are known to pressurize their children especially the girls to get married once they reach a certain age. They will call the names of your friends that are married already with kids and ask you what you are waiting for. Make them understand that you will get married at the right time, unless you will succumb to their pressures and marry the wrong person.
Your partner is the only one who makes plans. If your partner is the only one who is all excited about the wedding and you aren’t helping him or her in the endeavour to make the wedding a memorable one, then you are not ready to get married and you need to have a rethink. Probably, you are been forced to marry the person and you are not being honest with yourself and subconsciously you are still afraid to get married. You must ask yourself if you are really ready to get married, why you need to get married and et al. Listen to the messages your mind is sending and ponder over the right decision lest you end up regretting it.
You avoid thinking about your married life. If thinking about your married life as a man or woman makes your heart beat faster, or you tend to get scared and get goosebumps then you are not ready for that journey. Or maybe whenever your fiancé/fiancée is talking about how your home will be like, the number of children you will have, where you will live but you always change the topic and focus on other topics then it’s high time you get honest with your fiancé/fiancée about your true feelings. Open up to them and say what you dread about getting married or why you are not ready. If the person truly loves you, he or she will wait for you when you are ready, but make sure you tell your partner when you think it is the right time you want to settle down so that you don’t waste their time and make them waste their affection on you.
You think marriage will mark the end of your dreams and life. Ask yourself at what cost are you entering into this marriage? Sit down and evaluate the pros and cons of your relationship. Will your marriage be too demanding and leave you emotionally bankrupt; or will it beautifully merge two live together? Talk to your partner about your expectations and personal goals and remember that getting married doesn’t mean you will have to abandon your dreams.
You keep having the same argument over and over again. If you are unable to work through conflict such that both parties feel heard, understood and resolved, you likely aren’t ready to take the leap yet. Particularly if the same argument or issue resurfaces over and over without resolution then there is problem. This is an opportunity to seek outside help to learn how to work through conflict and determine if you are able to. If you don’t resolve issues when you are still courting, how will you when you are married?
You are getting married out of guilt, fear or because you are trying to please someone else. You may choose to marry someone out of guilt because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, upset them or go back on a promise you previously made. Sometimes men and women get married because they mistakenly think that this is their one and only chance at love, or the love they have at the moment is as good as it gets. Getting married to try to please anyone except yourself happens because of so many things. For example, your parents or family say you should marry someone because they are family friends, or because the boy or girl is from a rich home and so on. You take what they say to be more important than following your own happiness which at the end might lead to heartbreak.
So ladies and gentlemen, if you find yourself nodding to the above listed signs then it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you but you are not ready for marriage. Remember that marriage is not a bed of roses; there are the ups and downs in marital bliss. Be sure you marry someone you have absolute confidence in, and is sure about them and yourself.
By Pupwaya Timothy Dibal