Three things you should find before finding your soul mate.

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When people are searching for their soulmate, they can end up on a never-ending quest if you believe in soul mates, it’s easy to think that you need someone else to complete you. But a relationship should always be an enhancement, rather than a necessity.

1.   Make a list

Jotting down the qualities you’re looking for in someone can help you hone in on the right partner. Looking for particular qualities instead of a vague idea  like a soulmate  allows you to be more specific about what you want.

Try writing down the traits that are most important to you. It can cause you to take a step back and say ‘is this really me?’ Or ‘is this someone else? The process can become an exercise of self-exploration.

Focus more on personality traits and ideologies which generally matter more than factors such as where someone works or what their interests are, qualities like kindness, compassion, consistency, loyalty and openness are examples of the kinds of traits to jot down.

Then, add objective traits like a person’s ethnicity or religion to your list if they are integral to your search for a partner.

This way you can keep track of how your partner stacks up to the characteristics you were looking for.

 

2.  Observe  the relationships around you

Looking to those closest to you is the best way to find realistic and honest relationship goals.

Seek out a variety of real-life couples you know well  friends or family and ask yourself what qualities you admire in those relationships. Try to pick up on the negatives, too. If you don’t like the way one partner is always putting another down, make a mental note of that.

And if you’re close enough with someone  ask the person what makes his or her relationship work (or, if someone is divorced, what ultimately caused it to end). “I think we always want to ask people in happy relationships, but the real gold is in the people whose relationships ended at high stakes,”.

figuring out ways to emulate the positives and avoid some of the negatives can help you realise what you do and don’t want.

3.  Prioritize yourself

Being in a committed, healthy relationship starts with focusing on yourself. Sometimes I worry that when a person is on the search for a soulmate they are trying to fill an emptiness inside of them.

Spending time working on yourself whether that’s in your career, personal life or simply who you are as a person can prime you for a relationship, she says, noting that the best time to find someone is when you’re 100% content with who you are. Being with someone else won’t fill that void, no matter how great the person is.

Already in a relationship? Focus on growing both individually and as a couple. If you love to run, don’t stop signing up for races just because you’re in a relationship  and encourage your partner to follow his or her passions, too. Then, try to participate in activities you enjoy doing together. You want someone who values your growth as an individual and as a couple since both are crucial components of a healthy partnership

By maijiddah basheer

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