Many people can recall certain things their Parents did which had negative effects on them and impaired their success as adults. It’s not a crime as a parent for you to show your child or children how much you love and care for them. But when you cross some boundaries, then you are not doing that child any good. Some of the kids might grow up to be what you never wished them to be. Some of the kids might notice that they are not good and successful like their peers because of the parenting influence they had while growing up.
They may wish for a different childhood, but the guilt or shame that parents may unintentionally leave with children is not what any parent wants their own children to experience. Therefore, avoiding these behaviours is important to set children up for success lest you end up regretting.
Discouraging them from trying new things
One parenting behaviour that can hold children back from being successful is discouraging them from trying a new skill. Sometimes, parents have the best intentions in restricting behaviour, when they have a reasonable belief that their child will fail. For example, your
child has been trying so hard to write an essay but the teacher keeps giving him or her low mark. Instead of you to encourage him or her, you tell the child that he or she isn’t good at essay writing. This will make the child feel bad and stop trying to write the essay. However, failure is also a part of life and learning to deal with it in a positive way is important for.
Over pampering your child
Now there is a difference between showing love to your child and over pampering him or her. Doing any chores for your children that they are capable of doing and should be doing in order to be a well-functioning adult, is a parenting behaviour that keeps children from being successful. For example when a child is of age, he or she should be taught how to sweep or do the dishes. But some parents won’t let their kids do that because they have a maid around. How would you feel as a mother when your daughter grow up but cannot cook for her
husband when she is married?
Praising them when it is not necessary
Believe it or not, over praising children can keep them from being successful. Praising small accomplishments that children have mastered is not going to motivate them to keep driving themselves to accomplish more and more. For example, praising an 8 or 10 year old for tying his or her shoe lace is not encouraging at all. Rather, as a parent you should focus your praises on the significant accomplishments that children make, for example, in their educational performance, when they exhibit good behaviours, when they are charitable etc.
Discouraging your kids from making or having friends.
Researchers reviewed the prior research on mal-adaptive parenting behaviours and found that positive outcomes for successful children included parents who helped their children create effective social networks not on the social media but allow them make friends so that they learn from them. A strong social support system was helpful for children to rely on in times of uncertainty or stress. If you notice that one of your child’s friends has a bad character, then you can explain to your child why it’s important for him or her to stay away from that friend rather than just giving him or her an instruction to stop seeing that friend.
By Pupwaya Timothy Dibal
