QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ANSWER BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”
Before going into a life time agreement with him or her, ensure that you have successfully answered the following questions:
1. Do we really accept one another? There will always be things you want to change about the people in your life, but people should not be put in a situation where they are not allowed to be authentic and accepted as the unique , special (yet flawed) persons they are .
2. Am I attracted to my partner? Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone whom you are not attracted to just because it is comfortable, or “perfect on paper” isn’t fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected.
3. Do I really trust my partner? Trust is the essential ingredient in every healthy relationship. For some, the immediate response to lack of trust and betrayal can be devastating. If you are one of them, it’s time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, you have lost your chances for a great relationship.
4. Does my partner have my back? Do you feel like you are a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)? Or, do you feel like you are constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?
5. Are we looking in the same direction? Some couples avoid having the big talks about religion, marriage and babies; because they think that somehow these things will just work themselves out. By the time they realize they will not, they are in a complicated painful situation that leaves one or both feeling a little bit duped.
6. Are we growing together? Being humans we have a right to grow, develop and create a full life for ourselves. Are you and your partner still focusing on your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals?
7. Am I still me? Being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else’s idea of who we should be, on any level.
8. Am I happy to be in this relationship? The idea of sharing a life together is not to find someone to complete you or make you happy. Being unhappy at home can quickly seep into other areas of your life. If you are always fighting or just generally not feeling great about your twosome, it doesn’t mean you have to bail out. Counseling might be a good option. But marrying someone in the hope that it changes things is a very bad idea.
9. Am I feeling trapped? Do you really want to be in this relationship most of the time, or do you find yourself wishing for a way out? Do you stay because you have invested time, money or other things?
10. Why am I in this relationship? Is it because you respect, love, trust and value the person you are with? Or because you are afraid of being alone, worried about finances, or have built a life you are scared to leave?
Answering these questions honestly to yourself before you take the next big step can save you a lot of heartache later on in life.
