The Wedding Speech



Wedding speech from girl to her in laws:
My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house.
Firstly, I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines.
Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it. Those cooking must keep cooking. Those cleaning must keep cleaning. I will not disturb anybody’s routine. As far as I’m concerned, I’m here only to eat fried rice and chicken, have FUN & entertain your SON. Thank you.

Akpors,a lecturer in Gwagalada, University of Abuja, decided to give his students a test. He asked them to write the answers as he read out the questions. The Instructions says, cancelled answers not allowed.
Akpors the Lecturer: Question 1: What is your favorite food? [10 mrks]
Female students were writing, Pizza, fried rice, Hamburger, ice cream, sharwama and all sorts of Chinese cuisine.
Lecturer Akpors: Question 2: How do you prepare the food? [50 marks]
Huh! immediately, the femalestudents started cancelling and changing the foods to beans, cocoyam, & abacha,bolee and porridge yam, indomie, white rice with no soup, eba with no soup, garri and kullikulli….. hehehehe Kasala bust !

Man: Baby, I love you, would you please marry me?
Woman: (stands up and lands a stinging slap on his face) I have waited more than 9yrs, I have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds, bought books and listened to tapes, even went out of my way to be nice to every male specie of marriageable age!
I went from a size 14 to a size 10, so that when you see me you would love what you see.I uploaded only my best pictures on Facebook, attended all the weddings, whether the invitation was direct or indirect! The next place I was hoping to check was the moon, before you crawled out, crawled out from the house directly next to mine!So it was you all this while. The neighbor I said hello to every morning?
What were you waiting for?
Do you want to kill me before you reveal yourself?
Now be a man, get down on your knees and put that ring on my finger!

1. The battery gets full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. It will definitely have 2 SIMS.
3.The phone has a TV, microwave, nail cutter, separate speakers, toothbrush, and lighter, all inside
4.There are some spelling mistakes e.g.,Nokla,SamVang, Darkberry, iporn
5. You dey inside club deybuble and you can still hear the caller.