Ruth and James started dating way back in the University when they were both in their second year at the Ahmadu Bello University Zaria. They were so much in love that many of their course mates were envious of their relationship while many wished they had a relationship like theirs. They continued after graduating from the University and even promised to spend the rest of their lives together. James called Ruth on a particular weekend and told her to get ready; he was taking her out. She was very happy and she put on one of her finest gowns and waited for her man. He came and picked her and took her to one of the most beautiful restaurants. After they ate and the waiter brought the bill, James jokingly told Ruth to pay for it. But that didn’t sit well with her; she got angry and told him that she didn’t ask him to take her out. Rather he was the one that called and asked her out. “You are the one that is supposed to pay, because you are the man” said Ruth. At this point James got angry, paid the bill and walked out of the restaurant. None of them said a word to each other on the way home.
The question now is who is supposed to pay the bills? Is it the man or the woman? Tozali reporter was out to get the opinions of people on this interesting topic. Read on and enjoy
On a first date, courtesy demands that the man should pay the bill. After the first few “Getting to Know You” dates, when the possibility of a longer relationship becomes apparent, the bill can be paid by either of the couple, or split the bill, except if the man insists on paying the bill. A woman can always offer to pay. The days of men paying for everything are gone. It’s not about gender or politics, it’s about appreciation, love language and understanding. To be clear here, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying being treated to a good meal. Who does not like free things, especially with good company? One couple might adhere to traditional gender norms, while another might feel more comfortable dividing the bills based on income. But to crown it all, communication is the key; only then will the offer of giving someone a treat come across less as a power play and more as a gesture of goodwill. This is something not to be expected in every situation, but to be appreciated always. It’s a gesture of kindness if a woman offers to pay and likewise a gesture of kindness to counter-offer to pay half. What is more important is understanding and effective communication by both parties involved.
I don’t think the guys should always pay the bills because two people are involved; so, it’s a two-way stuff, both the guy and the lady should pay the bills at any point in time. When going into a relationship there should be mutual understanding between the guy and the lady. So, if there is love, there must be sacrifices. Whoever is financially okay, whether it is the lady or the guy at the point, should just pay the bills. That is how you get your respect as a woman; don’t always expect to be receiving all the time. That is what a guy will call a liability. Ladies please note that we are in the 21st century where the guys are not just looking for a wife material, but are also looking for a wife who can support them financially. A woman who can foot some of the bills in the house and pick up some of her own personal financial responsibilities without depending on the man for almost everything she needs, that is the new definition of wife material.
When a guy asks a lady on a date, then the answer to who pays the bill is simple. The guy should definitely pay the bills on the first date because he is just trying to win a girl’s heart, and by so doing he is sending a clear message of his intensions. So, he should be a real man by taking care of the bills. As the relationship progresses and is turning into a more serious one, the lady can subsequently offer to pay the bill or pay part of the bill. Some guys may try to form I’m the man here so let me handle it; you as a woman can also prove to him that you can take care of the bill by insisting on paying. Don’t just sit and always be at the receiving end. The relationship should be defined and if it is growing into a committed one, then you both should sort your differences. There are guys who don’t want the ladies to pay the bills in this situation, both of you should communicate and understand each other.A woman can decide to handle some of the little bills in the house while he handles the huge bills. But where both of you are not financially strong, then the bills should be split.By so doing the relationship will last longer and there won’t be issues as time goes on. Most relationships suffer today because the man is not able to meet the woman’s financial needs. But if the bills are split and both parties know which bill to take care of in the house, it will go a long way in strengthening the relationship and making it last forever.
My answer is NO. Ladies should at least give some support once in a while. That should earn them some respect from the menfolk and give them some confidence that their women have their backs when they’re down. Guys paying the bills always makes them feel on top, and that can bring disloyalty in a relationship. A man who always pays the bills feels within him, “after all I pay the bills”. So, he feels he can do what he feels like doing. Paying the bills makes the lady also have a sense of belonging and a kind of right that can’t be misused. Even if the man says she shouldn’t pay, she should at least show a sign that she wants to pay. Or she can decide to tell her man they should split the bill, that way she pays half and he pays the other half. The lady can also decide to surprise her man by paying the bills when her man is not around. He will eventually get to find out, and he will be happy about it. He might say ‘babe I told you not to bother about paying the bills”, but deep down within him, he knows that he is lucky to have such a woman who he can rely on when he is down, and who can also take care of the bills when he is not around, both within and outside the home.
By Mercy Kukah