HUSBAND AND WIFE
Husband: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture.
Husband: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
ALWAYS THE SAME
An American priest walked into a barber’s shop in Washington D.C. After he got a haircut, he asked how much it cost. The barber said, “No charges, consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a British police officer on vacation came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charges. I consider it a service to the community.” The next morning, when the barber came to work, there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Nigerian businessman came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much. The barber said, “If you are really a Nigerian then you don’t have to pay, since you are from the same country as JAY JAY OKOCHA the footballer.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Nigerians in front of his door waiting for a haircut.
Four surgeons were discussing about who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon said, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians, everything inside them is color coded.” The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” But the fourth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. They have no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable!”
A man was driving his taxi from Port Harcourt to Lagos. He had a sticker on the car that read, ”He will give his angels charge over me.” By the time he got to Warri, he was driving at 135km/h. The passengers cautioned him, but he simply responded by saying, “Didn’t you see the sign? The angels are on guard.” He approached Benin on a speed of 185km/h. By this time the passengers got very nervous and decided to get down. Everybody except the driver disembarked and he decided to continue the journey to Lagos alone. ”Mumu faithless people, they don’t believe that angels are on guard, despite my sticker,” He said, as he drove on. Close to Ore, he was comfortably cruising at 215km/h when he heard people in his car shouting, ”abeg oga drop us o, we no dey go again”. Puzzled, he looked around ”sebi I dropped all my passengers in Benin.so na who dey talk?” ”Oga, drop us o, na we be the angels wey dey on guard, this one don become suicide mission; we no dey guard again ooo!”