There are no surefire rules to making a relationship work. However, there are five foibles that can all but ensure your marriage bites the dust. The following relationship destroyers should be avoided at all cost, and if they do arise they must be carefully dealt with as soon as possible.

1. DISRESPECT: Respect is one of the things elders preach to us when going into marriage and it should never be taken for granted. Though it’s normal to be frustrated and occasionally angry with your spouse, however, if you don’t know how to communicate respectfully and kindly, then it is time to change your attitude; the old habit of name calling and threats must be replaced with meaningful dialogue if you want your relation to succeed paring. Rather than yielding to the impulse to yell insults at your partner, process your emotions and work on expressing your feelings in a calm way. Note that showing each other respect, either verbally or through your action, would go a long way in preserving your relationship.

2. RESENTMANT: This is one of the most dangerous marriage killers here in northern part of the country. Sometimes, women especially find it difficult to voice out their frustrations to the man; they often hide anger within thereby giving room for resentment. Issues are bound to arise in a relationship. However, if you always keep your problems to yourself (from being irritated by your partner’s messiness to feelings as if they are paying too much attention to work or friends and not enough to you) you are not keeping the situation in order; you are allowing the wound to fester. This leads to building up resentment that will find a way out- in you tone and your activities towards your spouse. If something is bothering you, bring it up and talk it over with your spouse. After that you must rest the issue and move on with an open heart and clean conscience.

3. MONEY: “Lately, I have noticed that money more than love has become very fundamental to many women,” Said a relationship expert. However, we should note that it is not the currency, it is the energy and we all have different ways of dealing with it. If you and your partner haven’t yet discussed issues of money in you relationship, better sit down and talk about how you each view and value money and what your goals are. Voice out your discrepancies and concern and come up with a plan to compromise at some level such that each party knows their responsibilities. Otherwise, you are bound to find yourselves at odds at some points with no guidelines for resolution.

4. BOREDOM: What causes boredom in most marriages is routine. When you do one and the same chains of things everyday, you are bound to get bored. Even sex, having it everyday or the same position can be boring. Naturally things get tired overtime. However, if your romantic life goes to sleep for too long or God forbid, dies off you can consider your relationship as good as dead too. People need varieties to spices up there lives. And if you find yourself sitting on the couch night after night with little interest to share, eventually one of you is going to get up and both of you are bound to give up. Try and create fun and adventures in your lives- make sure to get cut and have new experience together, lest the doldrums take over and you end up dealing with ultimate relationship killer.

5. INFIDELITY: Although In our African society Infidelity by the men folks are taken lightly by the women, because of the issue of accepted polygamy but we can still not run away from the fact that infidelity is a relationship/marriage killer. It is easy to understand why people cheat. But it is still very bad to get over it when trust is broken, repairing a bond that has been shaken can take a very long time. Better address the problems that may drive your spouse to be unfaithful before it happens and avoid this pitfall altogether.



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